Full boxes

Well folks, this post will be a touch more depressing than my typical posts. Mostly I need to get some ideas off of my chest. Who knows, maybe by the end of it, the whole thing will take a different turn. I hated outlining my stories in school, I liked to see where they would take me, not where I would take them. Maybe this blog posting will be the same way.

So, here's the deal. I have all of these boxes, lots and lots of them. I have held onto them because I don't want to give up hope, but I'm beginning to wonder if they are full boxes of stuff, but empty of hope. When do I give up the boxes, let go of them because they are simply taking up too much space? What are these boxes you might wonder. They are boxes of my boys' clothing. I have held onto them because I keep thinking I might need them again someday soon. It wasn't really very long after I stored away Timmy's things that I was pulling them out again for Daniel. The rotation system was perfect...about the time I would need to put shoes Timmy had grown out of into a box, I could take out a previous pair that Daniel would now fit into. This particular box, the "shoe box", is the one box that isn't labeled by year, it just holds all of the shoes. So now, Daniel keeps growing out of shoes, which means that they SHOULD go into the shoe box, but it's getting too full. Too full of empty shoes with nobody to wear them.

And now I need to come to a decision: do I get another box going for shoes because this one is too full? Or do I just simply start getting rid of them. Both choices are too painful. So there are a variety of "too small shoes" hiding in corners of each room in the house. I ignore them, thinking that maybe someday they'll have a somebody to wear them again.

And then there are the clothes. Before I could empty one box of Timmy's old clothes for Daniel, then put Timmy's recently outgrown clothes into that box and not have to buy any more containers. Well, with both boys growing out of clothes that need to go into boxes, and nobody around to empty the other ones, I need to buy more boxes...or just send the clothes on their way. Full boxes of empty promises.

I need to do something. I have ignored the problem for too long hoping that it would solve itself, but it's not. And I need to accept the possibility that it never will. There is not point in keeping 10 rubbermaid containers full of clothes that will never be worn. So I will probably donate them. And then if I am blessed with another child I will just have to have a babyshower....who doesn't like to buy clothes for a baby anyway? So do I get rid of the toys and furniture too....the crib?!? Ow. It's a good thing I have a big garage. Maybe the boxes can just sit in there for awhile longer.

Forgiveness

The message of today: forgiveness...it was said over and over again during church. Forgive those that have wronged you, with no limit, unconditionally. How many times must I forgive Him Father? 70 x 7, or, to one young innocent child sitting at the feet of her Pastor "a long ways away". Yes, a long ways away, so far away we can't see it anymore. Oh how difficult this forgiveness can be to send off these "wrongs" to the horizon, especially on a day like today.
And then in Bible study we hear of Joseph. Perhaps naive, perhaps not, but fulfilling God's plan none the less.

I think of how naive Timmy can be, how he states facts simply because they are facts, not thinking anyone would take offense to them. And I think of Joseph, talking about his dreams, excitedly, oblivious to the anger he his roiling up in his brothers. How he trustingly traveled 60 miles to meet up with them, only to be thrown in a pit and sold off to slavery.

And how, in the end, when he forgives them he tells them that it was not THEM that had done these things to him, but God. Joseph doesn't have an ounce of resentment towards his brothers. Oh, how I pray for this peace! We look at Joseph's forgiveness and how much it is like God's forgiveness to us: unconditional, without hesitation, with complete and total love, despite all that has been done wrong.

There's always something, usually simple, that jumps out and speaks volumes to me when going through these Bible studies. This time was no different. We are talking about this parallel: Joseph, like God, forgives his brothers, as God forgives us. Then Joseph sends his brothers to get their families. He sends them on a journey together. What is the last thing he says to them? "Do not quarrel with one another along the way." At first this made me giggle....not, "Safe travels", or "Love you, see you soon", or even, "God's peace." How well Joseph must have known his brothers! And how well God knows us. He not only cares about our relationship with Him, but our relationship with each other as we go on this journey through life, "Do not quarrel with one another along the way." Joseph had loved his brothers so much, and had forgiven them in that love, that he wanted them to experience the same love for one another. So it is with God and us, He wants us to love each other as He loves us.

Sometimes, no, often times, it is hard to see the good in eachother, to not find fault, to not gossip or quarrel. But that is God's wish for us, and so, as I pray for forgiveness, and the strength to forgive, I pray for the ability to not quarrel. What a word!