Well folks, this post will be a touch more depressing than my typical posts. Mostly I need to get some ideas off of my chest. Who knows, maybe by the end of it, the whole thing will take a different turn. I hated outlining my stories in school, I liked to see where they would take me, not where I would take them. Maybe this blog posting will be the same way.
So, here's the deal. I have all of these boxes, lots and lots of them. I have held onto them because I don't want to give up hope, but I'm beginning to wonder if they are full boxes of stuff, but empty of hope. When do I give up the boxes, let go of them because they are simply taking up too much space? What are these boxes you might wonder. They are boxes of my boys' clothing. I have held onto them because I keep thinking I might need them again someday soon. It wasn't really very long after I stored away Timmy's things that I was pulling them out again for Daniel. The rotation system was perfect...about the time I would need to put shoes Timmy had grown out of into a box, I could take out a previous pair that Daniel would now fit into. This particular box, the "shoe box", is the one box that isn't labeled by year, it just holds all of the shoes. So now, Daniel keeps growing out of shoes, which means that they SHOULD go into the shoe box, but it's getting too full. Too full of empty shoes with nobody to wear them.
And now I need to come to a decision: do I get another box going for shoes because this one is too full? Or do I just simply start getting rid of them. Both choices are too painful. So there are a variety of "too small shoes" hiding in corners of each room in the house. I ignore them, thinking that maybe someday they'll have a somebody to wear them again.
And then there are the clothes. Before I could empty one box of Timmy's old clothes for Daniel, then put Timmy's recently outgrown clothes into that box and not have to buy any more containers. Well, with both boys growing out of clothes that need to go into boxes, and nobody around to empty the other ones, I need to buy more boxes...or just send the clothes on their way. Full boxes of empty promises.
I need to do something. I have ignored the problem for too long hoping that it would solve itself, but it's not. And I need to accept the possibility that it never will. There is not point in keeping 10 rubbermaid containers full of clothes that will never be worn. So I will probably donate them. And then if I am blessed with another child I will just have to have a babyshower....who doesn't like to buy clothes for a baby anyway? So do I get rid of the toys and furniture too....the crib?!? Ow. It's a good thing I have a big garage. Maybe the boxes can just sit in there for awhile longer.
Hey babe, it was an honest post! :O) Not that you need advice from someone who hasn't had to face the same struggle, but I can relate to the TOO MANY BOXES, lol. I had the same issue in relation to the amount of stuff to hold on to. When we found out that number three was going to be another boy I simply got rid of all of Maddie's girl stuff. (I just don't have the space to hang on to 6 years worth of girl clothes and shoes, lol, and the clutter would KILL me ha!) I rested in the knowledge that if God gave us another girl someday I'm sure He would provide for us to clothe her, and He did. Jessica has been the clothing fairy for Emma and Audri both, and shoes as well. And now I've done the same thing with boy stuff once we knew Audri was going to be a girl, all of Brody's stuff is being passed down to Ryan Fehlhafer, because at least I know that someone is getting great use out of it, and as a bonus I even get to SEE him wear it, and it makes me smile at the memories of when my two wore the same things. I say go with your heart, but don't feel like giving the boxes away means you're giving up your hope, certainly not! (Especially if having them around is a painful reminder.) Rest in Him that provides in His way, which are not always our ways, and hey, I can always pass Audri's stuff down to YOU someday, you just never KNOW! :O)
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Cass
Oh and btw, I'm sure MANY of us would LOVE LOVE LOVE to throw you a big ol' baby shower!! I was thrown a baby shower for my 3rd because hey, like you said, who doesn't love buying baby stuff?!
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about your post since you wrote it, Karyn. I don't know the answer either. Nora is trying to convince me to "grow a boy" for her right now. Part of me would love to, but I'm pretty sure now isn't the right time (hahahahaha!) Continue to pray your heart to Him. He will hear you, and as I am learning, He may not take the question away or even give you the answer, but He will be there with you as you negotiate through all of it. Somehow I'm coming to realize that through all of the suffering we encounter in life, we're actually being called like children into the water we're so afraid of with Him there the whole time saying, You can trust Me. I'm right here. Now kick your legs."
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